today i started my 3rd year as a high school student. junior year is probably the most stressful year, with so many expectations, as well as a ton of work to complete. since i’m using this blog for my personal ramblings, i’ll share how my day went down.
i woke up at 6 am this morning. it was weird to be up so early, since i usually wake up around 11. but today it felt almost pleasant. i was the only one up in my house, and the sun didn’t start to rise yet. it was one of those whimsical mornings i used to love so much as a kid. where you feel like you’re the only person in the world, sipping tea and listening to the noises all around you. so flashing forward to about 7:10 am, i was at the school parking lot. my mom dropped me off and as i stared at the huge building in front of me i began to get upset. i had walked into this building at least 300 times already, starting from my first days as an anxious freshman, to sophomore, and now as a junior. i didn’t want to go in. i knew what awaited me. teachers that pretended to care about my education, obnoxious students, and a hell of a lot of stress. so i walked in, and greeted my friends, mingled, and went on to my first class.
it was pre calculus honors. i’m pretty much convinced that the only reason i got into an honors class was of sheer dumb luck. i was never good at math, or science, so after i finished chemistry last year, i was more than overjoyed. but i never seemed to understand math, and it’s everywhere. you need to learn it, it’s one of those things you can’t escape from and have to eventually face and either succeed or fail. well i had just made the list when i passed my midterm with a solid B, the grade you’d need to get into honors. i wasn’t thrilled to get this class at all. i heard the teacher was mean, and the work was challenging. and boy were they right, she was one of those teachers that smiles when she’s yelling at you. she’s like the queen of a bee hive, whatever she says, goes. instantly she made my stomach twist. it finally hit me that i was going to have so much trouble in her class. i had trouble with the summer work, which other kids considered easy. so after today i’m dreading going back to that room.
well after math, i headed down to AP english, hoping that it would be better than math. it was. i was so happy, because i love english. i love writing, and reading, even though i may not be that great at it. the day kept dragging on after that class. i had art next, so i was finally thrilled to be in a class that i genuinely enjoyed. i may post some of my quick doodles, to keep track of my progress, and see how much i could improve. regardless of my enthusiasm, i didn’t know anyone in it. i was completely alone. but i guess i really didn’t mind, especially because i’ll be working on my own drawings so it doesn’t matter. As i left the room, i couldn’t help to see that there were people who were staring at me. was it what i was wearing? i was sporting a black dress, denim jacket and combat boots. i always loved my sense of style, but i was too scared of dressing up to school in it, because i didn’t want to be judged. but obviously, that can’t be helped. regardless, all those little things began to pile up as the day kept going. mean teachers, realization of my stupidity, the fact that summer ended.
once i got to lunch i could finally enjoy the company of my friends. it was nice to catch up with them. after that gym was my next class, and of course i was stuck without knowing anybody. again. just my luck, right? i didn’t want to talk to the other girls, so i just sat alone.
well after school ended, i was so relieved, and ready to go home and turn on the tv for something to relax myself. i normally never felt different when i go back to school, but this year i did. it surprised me, because i realized it. i changed. the summer changed me. it made me so much more relaxed, and happy, and now the second i stepped into school, depression and stress followed. this summer was so important to me, even though i may have spent a majority of it indoors. i was able to watch my favorite shows, stay up late drawing, swimming in the pool, waking up at 3 am and not feeling the least bit upset that i have less time to sleep. i basically tried to make the most of it, and enjoy every moment, and i was so happy. but now here comes school, and it’s like that perfect picture just shattered, and i have to live in reality, and work hard again, and stress over everything, and i know i wont be able to enjoy my days anymore.
i hope you guys have had a better back to school than i did, if of course you still go to school.
and of course, no post of mine is complete without a quote
until next time,
Holly
morning adventures 